America invades Churchill Square - I send them packing.

I just popped down to Churchill Square to see if I could secure a PS3 for the Children at a sensible price.

I noticed, on my travels that , Ava fumble and Feltch have opened a Holister in the shopping centre, I thought, ooh, I’ll pop in and see about purchasing a woolly Titfer for this cold weather we are having. As I walked in a blond 5’7”, 17 year old gonk by the door wearing Holister jeans and t shirt said to me: “Hey, Wassup! Check out Sandy and juggrrghrhj, they make great Christmas presents”.

I stopped, dead in my tracks. I looked around, there were no Americans there, most people were under 35 stone in weight, there were no nasal whiney voices, no stars and striped bandanas and no one had been shot. Confused I turned and walked out of the shop, looked around, I was definitely still in Churchill square, Brighton. In England. Yet somehow, an American “greeter” had accosted me at my ingress and made noises at me. It happened again, I walked back in and the gonk spluttered : “Hey, Wassup! Check out Sandy and Ghreerrhrhj, they make great Christmas presents”. I stopped next to him, looked down and said “Hello, I am sorry I am not sure what you just said, I got the ‘hey wassup’ bit and the answer to that is nothing. Nothing is up. The bit afterwards, about Sandy and ghheegkjkdnkdjnkjnd making good Christmas presents, what do you mean?” He was somewhat taken aback, he looked up, gulped, let a bit of wee come out and said “Erm,, err.. erm.. Sandy and hgjkbhbhbrfbf they are perfume’s Sir, er over there – he pointed – they would make, ermm err, good Christmas presents”. I considered this for a moment and said, “surely that depends on who you are buying for? I remain unconvinced that my 9 year old son would appreciate a bottle of perfume for Christmas”. He said, “well err”.. I cleared my throat to save him continuing and said “Can I just clear something up? Are you just here to greet people as they arrive and to say that at them?” he looked at the ground and mumbled “We take it in turns, sometimes I do the till”. I said, “well in future young man, if you see a gentleman with a stiff upper lip, a man of purpose, someone that is clearly in full command of his faculties, a man like me for example, an ENGLISH MAN, hmm? Yes?” he nods “ If you see an English man like me entering this shop, may I suggest you take the opportunity to go and work at the till while we browse, if an Englishman needs the help of an assistant while shopping for a Hat, then an Englishman is perfectly capable of asking for it. And if an Englishman wishes to purchase perfume, he would visit a perfume shop, what is more, an Englishman does not need greeting at the door, this is a shop, the doors are open to all, the welcome is assumed as a given. Thank you.“.. I walked off. That told them. Wot!